Once I was a teen film queen.
My tenderloins were taut and lean.
Each morning I ate one wax bean,
and every evening salad greens.
And in between I’d bathe and preen,
and paint my toe hooves tangerine.
Once I was a movie queen:
the lean, clean, lonely Mean Maxine.
BUT THEN ONE DAY
I spied my porky Max, and now
I’m his potbellied, smelly sow.
He’s not refined, and when we dine
he grunts and snorts. But this swine’s mine,
and we’re in love. I lick his snout;
he likes me stout. Why not pig out?
Max snacks on hogwash. I eat swill.
I stayed for lunch. I’m playing still.
We roll in filth and smut and grime
and have a rollicking good time.
My tail’s uncoiled, my ham is spoiled
I never wash, my pen is soiled.
So if you feel lonely or mean,
perhaps you are too thin, or clean.
Listen to Hogwash’s therapy session with the school shrink.
Hogwash music and vocals by Marisa Michelson.
Cowritten by Ron Passaro.