ANIMALS THAT OUGHT TO BE

I’m All Ears

I always wondered what they said
after they tucked me into bed.
I used to tiptoe down the stairs
And hold my breath and say my prayers.
Well I don’t do that anymore.
I’m nine now and much too mature.
Besides I have an I’m-All-Ears.
I can’t help what she overhears.
If someone’s speaking very low
I’m-All-Ears ears begin to grow.
They grow until she’s overheard
and told me every single word.
She snacks on whispers. I can’t stop her.
She’s part gossip, part eavesdropper.

The Nightnoise Gladiator

When the radiator hisses,
when the hall stairs creak and moan,
when there’s something downstairs ringing
but it’s not the telephone;

When the back door lock is squeaking,
when you think you hear a knock,
when there’s something upstairs ticking
but it’s not Grandfather’s clock;

When the refrigerator rattles,
when the window curtains swish,
when the bathroom sink drip drips, drip drips,
I close my eyes and wish

I had a Nightnoise Gladiator.
There is nothing he enjoys
more than eating till he’s gobbled up
his enemy: Night Noise.

Channel Changer

We have a billion stations.
We have cable and of course
a satellite night hookup
with a backup power source.

We have a giant screen TV
with Dolby surround sound.
That darn remote control thing,
though, never can be found.

That’s why a Channel Changer
is a pet beyond compare.
He surfs through the commercials
and he never needs repair.

His ears are each antennas.
His one eye is open wide.
I never have to walk him
since he hates to go outside.

He doesn’t get much exercise
but anyone can tell he
loves to press each button
on his billion-button belly.